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Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Her name is Grace.

Running away in all shapes and form.

My mind, soul and body - they all seek for the same thing.

Away from this madness.

I've been masking myself in a position I simply just have to let God decide.

We don't have control in the decision making but we have the control about how we want to approach something in regards to His plans. It is tough, choosing between what we know best and what we think is the responsible thing to do. We all walk that path everyday. From the littlest things right up to the Big Kahuna. Maybe if we think of it as these "moments" as the colour tubes we want to use to paint a bigger picture, perhaps it may help ease the headache a little and have more belief in what we do. Maybe maybe maybe.

Maybe that's what I am doing, switching things like these into metaphors that I can understand and look from different perspective. Maybe it's my way of diffusing the tension that sparks. Maybe it's my way of hiding as well. So many maybes, and yet I don't feel agitated about not having a black and white answer to it.

Maybe I have learned to accept His way of putting things. I don't need to have black and white picture, it can be a two tone colour, or glow in the dark..whichever he sees fits, I'll take that and make it good. Of course, it's heartbreaking to go through the hurdles, not being able to get to the destination on a straight route but perhaps He wants to show us that sometimes detours and diversion are tools to mold you into a better person by the time you arrive.

It's only worthwhile when you see it the way it is. Accept it for what it is and feel it when it reaches out to you. Society has this one track mind about being one with Him which is to be as religious as they approve. But who are they to decide what religious means to Him other then being who you are and not someone the society see fit. Religion is a guidance, a communication piece for you and Him. However you approach it as long as you have good intention/faith and is willing to be open minded with His givings, that's your way and no one else. If what you are doing makes you feel closer, more enlightened and truthfully sated by His presence and forgiveness, you're in a good place. Eventually you'll get there. You'll get to the path he wants you to be, and so do you. It is truly between you and Him.

I am probably the least best person to speak of Him in regards to the society's approval but I feel His presence in any way possible. The first song I listened to the moment I start up my car or how coincidental certain uplifting messages was sent to me during the moment I needed most although his messengers had no clue about it, all these little graces He gives made me feel a lot better. Shittier but a lot better knowing he is listening and never stopped until I stop having faith. It is tough. So tough, I had to push myself to lean over on other people's shoulder even though it was just words, but I realised in order for me to get help, I have to make the first move and ask for it. Since then, I have been given in so many levels, all I could do is waking up and give thanks for their willingness to have me around, for Him to show to me that this may be the battle I'll always have to fight but that only means He wants me to look elsewhere. Find alternative.

Yesterday, while it has been one of the craziest moments in my life, the first thing I heard from the radio when I got into the car was the Deejay introducing Des'ree's You Gotta Be. At first I was overwhelmed, laughed a little at the message I was getting and then cried while singing along to the song. I like to think of it as His way of reaching out to me, as crazy as it sounds.

Des'ree-You Gotta Be

Listen as your days unfolds
challenge what the future holds
Try to keep your head up to the sky

Lovers they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be shamed to cry

You gotta be you gotta be bad
You gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard
You gotta be tough
You gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool
You gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know all I know love will save the day

Herald what you mother said
Read the books your father read'
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash then you
Others take a different view
My oh my
Hey hey hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard
You gotta be tough
You gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool
You gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know all I know love will save the day

Time asks no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning, can't stop it if you tried to
The best part is danger staring you in the face

Listen as your days unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try to keep your head up to the sky
Lovers they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
My oh my
Hey hey hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard
You gotta be tough
You gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool
You gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know all I know love will save the day

Got to be bad. Got to be bold
Got to be wise. Don't ever be cold
Got to be hard. Not too, too hard
All I know is, love will save the day


What are the odds of this to happen at the right time. It could have been played any other time yet that was the time I heard it. Me and Him, a lot of the times I hear him speak is through music or through other people's out of the blue yet wonderful words appear.

I am thankful. Thankful that I have so many people looking out for me. Part of me do feel guilty, feel burdened for pinning on them yet these very same people never felt the way I thought and it's a blessing. I just need to keep having good faith that things will be good for as long as I am doing it with good intention.

Someday I'll get there and I'll reach out the same way others had done to me.

Surfed Away @ 12:03:48 pm



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