That's when I decide to just not think about things that have the potential to jab me to the heart. That throbbing feeling sometimes refuses to leave when I so happened to dip my toe into the pool of darkness. Because the throbbing can cause raucous to my mind which could lead to migraine, I simply refuse to enter the dungeon.
No.
I will not go in until I have to. That is when I know I'll be ready for whatever it brings to me. Otherwise, I don't want to be the curious cat killed in the end.
No.
I simply refuse to be that stupid to succumb into sadness.
There's too much sadness circulating this world as it is. Whatever I have, ever drop of joy and laughter, I will not give up as easily.
I can be darn right stubborn a lot of the times. One, I don't know why but that is who I am and when I get not so wonderful vibes around me, I simply stay away. I may not know what it is, may not know why but if history had taught me anything it is to listen to that intuition that has not been proven wrong.
Just a few minutes ago I had a thought, a passing-by thought about how I have let people restricting my life, what I should do, feel, see and live for and I have this sudden surge of anger I didn't know existed. Just the thought of it breaks me into pieces.
This need - striving for greatness, for the ultimate happiness is something out of this world, I must admit.
Then, I remembered the good things that comes about it, the actions I have taken to stand on my ground. What keeps me truly happy, truly me and I'm convinced I have done the right thing, where the heart is concerned. It took a lot of strengths, a lot of courage and a lot of insanity/stubborness in me to do it.
Looking back, it's been great. This life. Weighing in the good and the not so good, I've come far. So far from the land before time. Once, the very indecisive, too naive and too nice of a person, and now.. a bit of all those but I've learned to really listen to the heart. Cheesy huh? But it's really what it is.
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of,” – Blaise Pascal
One of my favourite quote of all time. At first I didn't really understand what it meant until much later, the clouds started to shift away and I finally grasped the meaning. There are times when I do what I do seems foolish or unthinkable, eventually the reason will come forth later on and that "OOoooohhhhhh" moment will come.
Months ago, I was afraid I would be the kind of person who lives in the past and everyday as I touch base with myself (yes, there is such a thing and thankfully it is what keeps me somewhat sane) and God, I have no intention to live in the past nor do I wish for it to be like what it used to be. Nope. Times have change. There's only one way and that's forward. Take whatever we have now and make it better. That's what makes all of us stronger and better :) Learn from what had happened and simply move forward. Slowly things will prevail. The reasons are there, it'll only make it' appearance once we are ready to face it.
Life is weird like that.
Each of us have our own way in discovering the insanity and this is part of mine I like to share.
If you know doing a certain something will only cause more bleeding, stay away from it. Too curious to know about it? Well, accept the consequences then. It's allllll in the mind actually. :)