Sub Realms+

They have come alive, the fingers.

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 03:43:55 GMT

I present you, The Flow.

Casting a spell wherever he goes,
It's a sight for this sore eyes,
For there is something about this guy,
Something that sets me up so high.
Flying up in the sky.

I can't figure out, not a single clue..
How is he able to draw people through
without being aware of this insane imbue
"What are you talking about? It's so not true!"
Was all his reason could come to.

Ever the gentleman,
the one with the biggest heart
who couldn't care less who takes part
in his little theater, this dramatic art.
While I sit here, watching it come apart.

Silently praying I have no lines to go through,
I don't think I have what it takes to do
what others can do to woo.
Resigned, I witness from afar of this debut
and leave the rest to review.

"This is amazing! Like a dream coming true!"
When the story unfolded, he bowed and bid adieu.
I have nothing but happiness for this man,
Who have come so far, so close to break through
The times of his life, the life he worked hard to pursue.

"See! I told you so!" I cheered for this pro.
He throws me this look "I don't know.."
Is he for real? The one I know too well..
Sighing, I said "Just go with the flow."
It's all I could muster for him to do.

I think the muse has come to visit. My need to write whenever possible the last few days is pretty overwhelming to a point that while I was waiting for the boys at the cafe last night, I wanted to ask the Barista if he could lend me a pen for me to write on the tissue papers. The brain hasn't stop churning words. Words that make no sense put together unless crafted for a cause. And by that, I'm not saying I have planned out the perfect plot and characters because like many times before, these hands have their own minds and stories to tell.

So now they are alive and kickin'.

And I have no clue what they want to say.

Life is odd like that. I also think it's the consequences for accepting the "Going with the flow" mantra. Everyday, I am blown away by the little events that God throws in to this book of insanity. I had a talk with a good friend and I honestly can't imagine how to tell the stories of my life to the kids of the future. Of course, mine is a more subdued version compared to the others who have truly lived. Nonetheless it is my story to tell, and I think even by then the insanity would not stop happening.

Be the genius. Be the genius who keeps going with the flow. See what craziness you have made yourself put up with? Genius.

I have started wishing to take the emotions away again. By agreeing to take that away means I won't be able to write what I know most about. Emotions. Now I am torn apart. Who are we without emotions to talk about, to feel, to explore and to live? Like dusts flooding the desert, the rocks that keeps the water flowing in different direction, the clouds dancing in the sky. We would perhaps end up doing things on autopilot and keep doing it. Alot like robots.

Despite it all, I still love this crazy life I have come to nurture. The good and the not so good ones. 2009, what else do you have for me to make my jaw drop? (Why do I have a feeling I am tempting fate for saying that?)..

GOD...

THIS IS FCKING INSANE.

And I still love them all the same.

I'm so fcked.

Cr�me De La Cr�me

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 03:26:34 GMT

Kaleidoscope

Giving the colours
that illuminates this life,
His aura is overwhelming..
So out of this world, it's no lie.

I'll tell you a secret,
One that no one knows about.
See that guy, the one who is walking prim out,
Occupied with a million of thoughts..

Whenever he takes a step,
the heart of many
orchestrates a thousand melodies.
Quite the gift isn't he?

That's the power,
The instrument
He never knew he has
to create the musical of his life.

My first poem after so long! I just felt so inspired while listening to Kaskade this morning. Wrote it according to how I felt, imagined and loved about. The little things that others didn't realised they have. That cr�me de la cr�me essense only so very few have. One I have a knack for detecting and cherish so much. And it is such a joy to have people who have this essence in them. The most valuable part is that, they just don't know how big of a deal it is. Just living their lives as they see fit, comfortable in their own skin and still down to earth. These are the most expensive people in the world!

It's been a while.

It's been a while since I took out this stash of awesomeness and allowed myself to indulge without a care in the world. What is this stash of awesomeness? Hed Kandi Beach House 04.02 and whatever 0.XXXX along with it. Simply indulging and marvelous.

Makes me high.

Why?

Because I woke up to the sounds of Ibiza during the summer.

I live in my own world, an open secret I cannot hide. A place I can go retreat when the stakes are high and able to feel safe knowing I have not yet lost myself in the reality.

I have always believed in the law of attractions. Everything is really in the mind. You want it, make effort for it and you will get it. That's the fundamental rule to it. Oh, not to mention, believe in it. Genuinely believe in it.

Today was exactly that. As I was going high with summer mood, I received a phone call from a really good friend who sounded ever so excited. Not knowing what the gist of the story, I played along. Little did I know the turn of event of this particular call was more than just what I thought was a casual conversation (like it has always been). This time it was a whole different, something about wanting to set me up on something potentially good. Well, in all honesty, I've done a lot of crazy things I didn't think I have in me, so this one that God decides to write into my yet another crazy chapter, I only have this to say..

Why not?

My life. This life. Is just insane.

My life is running it's own life and I'm just enjoying the flow. As long as I feel good and is good. All things shall be well eventually. Insyallah.

Eh, I kinda like Kaleidoscope now that I read it again (no no, not praising myself. I think I manage to capture the essence of what I have always been looking out for and is pretty happy with the outcome of this one.)

The Mind Wandered and Reflected.

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 07:36:16 GMT

Apparently what thought to be just a moment of reflective mood last Thursday turned out to drag in a span of 5 days and I finally got to close that particular page. Naturally, I only realised this this morning.

I think there is a government running in my brain. Every procedure takes 4509 times longer than average. Mini me(s) all doing their own thing in there somewhere.

I've realised that I've been focusing on myself a tad too much lately and I feel like there's something missing. A missing piece to complete an entire puzzle. Thinking was what I did, and also talking to a couple of good people around. I have been restless knowing that it has been awhile since I've been doing anything random. Actually not really. I just don't know what it is but I thought perhaps something random would justify this unsatisfying feeling that's been infesting in me.

The need to shake things up, sprinkle more magic into life..just something..

Yes my need to discover life is so great, at times I am afraid that it will swallow me.

When I admitted that I've been focusing on myself more than I should have, first thing came to mind was to do some charity work. That idea pretty much settled in my mind. And I think that's the potion to my restless soul. For now. Not sure what I'll end up volunteering but yeah..it's time to give back. Especially when I've been indulging a lot more than I should made me feel a lot more emptier.

There's some other things too that's been looming in my sometimes-I-think-it's-non existent-brain..

I think it's a constant effort to surround myself with the best people with the best vibes and attitude so that it's a motivation for me to be better. Sometimes, it gets to me and therefore I have to sit down and comprehend everything from A-Z before deleting any negative vibes, just in case I had read it wrongly. Today I woke up and knew immediately the decision I will be making in regarding to this.

I told a friend about the idea of becoming your own bestfriend. It is not something I actually thought about before saying it. I simply just .. said it.

Then I analysed myself. Slowly it sank into me about the idea of "you are your own bestfriend". I don't know how I came up with such statement but it made a lot of sense after analysing it myself. One of the reason that got me to where I am today (with the zaniest mind) is that I developed this idea of becoming my own bestfriend. Who spends more time with you but yourself? Who knows you better than you? Who is there with you and is willing to listen to you even during the craziest hour?

I guess I came from a place where I needed to heal myself and before seeking help from others, I have to make amends with myself. Have to truly discover myself and then take it from there. With that comes the habit of having conversations with myself. It's like keeping things clear and making sure that I am staying focus to what I believe. Maybe decades ago, having conversations with yourself would make you look like a lunatic; these days though, its probably going to save you from drowning.

Then again, my mind and soul work utterly different compared to everyone else. Maybe, I am a lunatic at heart, who knows?

I cannot stressed out how important it is to touch base with oneself. One of the little secret I discovered on the road to recovery. Still is walking on that path.

I still can't believe where I am today, and I certainly cannot imagine where I will be in the future. Life happens. That's the only thing I can say. It just does. You let it take it's own life and many other wonderful things will fall into place.

I love reading. I love how writers are able to capture the essence of a story. I love reading New York Times articles. Simply marvellous. It provokes you with all sorts of emotions. I would like to one day be able to do something as close to that. It's as good as being there really. Especially when you know what it is like as a reader, it ultimately gives a whole deeper level in the writing. I love how it is also what makes me feel good.

Today's article is about Abroad - At the Louvre, Many Stop to Snap but Few Stay to Focus and my other favourite piece is Haarlem, a Classic Dutch City With a Village Feel. It truly captivated every particle of what it stands for. How do I know, it made me feel like I was there all over again. That's how magical it is to be able to bring someone into your world.

One day..perhaps one day, I'll be able to do just that.

It's an enlightenment to have good pieces to kill your time. In my case, sometimes, to keep my sanity at bay. I rediscovered reading when I was 19 at the age I just started blogging as well. Since then, it's been a drug to me. I could not not read something. I just have to. I want to know more. Even if it's about Dolly the sheep. The feeling of being able to learn something new is so very empowering. Although I can live without reading the local newspapers. That one, exception. Otherwise, my browser will constantly be about something to read - automobile, fanfictions, online international newspapers, wikipedia etc.

To know that others also read makes it all the more gratifying because you get to exhange ideas, beliefs and perceptions. The power of life does not only lie in the fact that you do something to live but you do something because you believe that it makes you alive.

Like this one, although it's kinda bogus but ... expect the Japanese to make something as out of this world into a culture phenomenon. Love in 2-D is perhaps one of the eye opening article I've read thus far. Learning about other people's culture is interesting. Makes you wonder how you have lived your life thus far.

Life is simply insane, if that is what you wish it to be.

Because apparently I must have. *smack head*

-_-

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 07:57:13 GMT

What else random insanity could I get myself into this time Dear God? ;)

Legal Responsibilities

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:04:57 GMT

Everyone have their own responsibility, one way or another. To their job, to their families, to their pets, friends and most importantly to themselves. We just do.

I cannot say this enough but I have no idea what lies in front of me for my own life. Ask me what is in store tomorrow, and I can tell you that, I don't even know what will happen in the next 5 minutes. Either I truly live my life by going with the flow or..actually come to think of, that's what it is.

It's not that I don't planned my life. To a certain extend I do - what I know is within my power, I will make ever effort for it to happen but 95% of the time, I let life lead me. Am I not scared about the uncertainties that comes along with that mantra? Of course, with every heartbeat I have. I just think that, at this point, whatever do come my way is perhaps the best thing to happen at that very moment. Faith is all I have and faith is what that saves me from falling 6 feet down under. I trust God that whatever happens, whatever He wants to happen is in His best interest.

Besides,....

Man propose, God dispose.

So there's really no point.

That and I've been avoiding the unavoidable for the past lifetime. It's time for me to face the music. Take the responsibility that I may not have asked but everything happens for a reason.

I'm so thankful that I went to Holland and had that piece of mind I had prayed for. Coming back to reality with things I didn't see coming making it's appearances can be overwhelming had I not went away. Ooh yeah, I could so imagine the chaos.

I guess, I'm beginning to accept and resign to fate for whatever that comes. One after another. Although I have no idea what I am here for in the first place but...yeah .. going with the flow I am.

What I am about to venture out..is going to be something I never imagined myself doing (explains the years of avoiding) and hopefully I'll be able to adapt to a whole new world. A whole new lifestyle altogether.

Made up my mind and waiting for the moment to come.

New world! I really don't know what to do with you.

Except to just keep doing what makes me happy. Loving it. Loving 2009 thus far baby.

Went for driving training last weekend. Now that's a whole different ball game altogether. Track car? What? Yeah, before I never understood why there's a need for such a thing. Nowwwwwwwwwwww I know. Epitome of fun, excitement, insanity and when all that mixed together equaled to an out of this world adrenaline rush and experience.

I approve of Elise and what it can do now on the track. Otherwise, I'll take the fine tuned engine :)

Still breathing, still smiling and still laughing. Things are just incredible. The people I have are incredible, I'm very grateful for that.

A Dreamer's Dream

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 05:22:27 GMT

Laughter is truly the best medicine. Traveling is the cure to my wounded soul and great company will forever be the best reason to put a smile on my face. Take all this away and I have nothing to live for. My need to live my life for the better is so great, I will go to great lengths to eliminate whatever force that sends out the opposite vibe.

I suppose it is because for the most part of my life, I have dedicated my life to feed other people's needs and now, at the age of 24, I have finally arrived. Arrived to the idea that it is what makes me happy first (for the right reason) that makes life worth breathing, living, smiling and remembering.

Seven months have gone by, well almost seven months .. and I believe I have really lived the life more compared to the rest of my life. I have done so much more, at my happiest, strived for the best, did a lot of incredible most wonderful things in this seven insane months.

The joy, the insanity, just everything that brings so much happiness happens and all I have to do is live the moment. Thank the heaven above for the miracles. I would never think such life would even come, and it did and for as long as I am here, I will simply love it. Love the people I have, love the experiences, love the excitement, ... simply love it all.

For seven days, Haarlem has done more than I could ever expected to my battered soul. It was the cure I had been looking for in the past months. Despite the short holiday, I am very glad I went and enjoyed it. Enjoyed the life, the people and most importantly, happy because I was able to be myself without tying myself to any strings. It was a place I felt more home than where I am now.

I loved every milisecond of it. The feeling is just out of this world. Thank you God for making it happen, eventhough it was a last minute thing.

Coming home for a surprise elevated the wonderful feeling even more. Seeing the people who meant a lot to me was a reminder from above that life is what you make it be. Always stick to what you know is good and always have good intentions. For one day, you will never know what great things will wait for you in return.

Undercircumstances and despite the thousands of wishes of wanting to die, I feel that this part of my life is blessed with so much greatness. No one knows how impactful this part of my life has been. So impactful, everyday I thank God for the gifts he beckoned me with. No words could ever explain it. A motivation to make me want to be better and again, I know I have this many times before and I'll say it again - if I have to die today, I am glad I have lived my life. I really have.

Thank you once more dear God.

Holy Cow.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:45:53 GMT

It's 3.45 am and I'm in the office. Blasting the music loud because it's the best thing to do when there's no one around. How I love such rare moments like these.

Tonight, as of 11.55pm, I'll be heading off to..a much needed break!

The Netherlands, goedemorgen to you when I get there.

Oh yes, a much needed break indeed. Thank you God for writing out the most insane life for me thus far. This year, everything is about insanity. Good and not so good. Let's focus on the good ones, since there's a helluva good insanities that's been happening, and it's only the 7th month! Has a lot to do with the awesome people I've got to keep.

Ok..so by the looks of it, I'll only be heading home..in the afternoon..of which I am going to pray I get to go off early!

Funny enough, that anxiety hasn't kicked in yet. Then again that's probably due to the mountains of workload I've been dumped.

Here's to a lot more insanity and wonderful.

//I just realised I am still mourning for MJ's death but that's another story altogether. Here's hope he could finally rest in peace//

The Synching Ship

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 05:20:03 GMT

So I was having this certain discussion for quite a bit as of late. I have gotten all sorts of replies, all sorts of thoughts which made it all the more worthy to go deeper. It's interesting to have conversations with people who make sense of things that you don't see coming. A perfect recipe to a wonderful discussion. To be honest, it's actually pretty fun :)

What is this discussion I am rambling about you might wonder?

Dates, types and all sorts.

What?

:) Yeah, it's one of those topics I have not explored in this blog. And I thought why not? I'm in a whimsical mood today and is having a good time just talking about it. Might as well translate that into words.

The thought of dating a good friend was brought up out of the blue and although there were quite a few reservation comments about it, I have come to a point that perhaps the probability of me dating anyone is highly likely to be a good friend. For me, it is a territory I am more comfortable exploring than to jump into the ship with a person I have not built the foundation with. Here are my rationals behind "It's worthy to date a good friend although the outcomes could be either hazardous or wonderful to the friendship".

I like to think of it as something good because:

1. To actually date a good friend means I know the inside and out of the friend. Therefore, we are both comfortable in our own skin. So whatever we do all this while is not so much to impress anyone. It's just because we want to do it.

I think you should like the person for who the person is, not because of what the person can cover up. I like to tear the superficial exterior down.

For instance, I have good friends who are down right gentleman without a cause with me. If a guy is a gentleman to a friend (whom he has no reason to impress what-so-ever), chances are he will be just that with someone he is interested in (or more XD). Or, if a girl you have known for ages suddenly went through an extreme makeover just because it's a date when on normal days she's just great as who she is, you can already detect the "trying too hard" character and can make your own conclusion what it is like for the next coming dates.

Of course there's nothing wrong with wanting to look good for someone, but it has to come out as because you want to look good for yourself and subsequently that feeling good in you will be projected to other people. That's the right way to do it. Just doing it because you want others to like you sounds as fake as wearing a mask. Yeah, you might as well just wear a mask on a date.

2. When I already have build a good foundation with the good friend, we already know what we like, we don't like, who we are, what we do, bla bla bla..therefore, when we are on a date - it's really just about enjoying each other company to the fullest and are open up to all sorts of possibilities to happen.

Scrap those awkward moments, those jittery feelings and the need to impress a person (because if we decide to go on a date together, that kinda suggest that we are interested in each other for who we are). I get to skip all that and focus on something a whole lot more important and incredible all at the same time.

Not to mention, the two of us already know our history background. So the risk is much lower for infidelities in a relationship and both know how to manage each other during insane times if both are willing to go through it all.

3. A good friend simply makes you feel you in every way possible.

4. A good friend understands how your brain function and able to detect your moodswing whenever it triggers.

5. To be in a relationship with not just someone wonderful but also a good friend elevates the experience to a different level altogether.

There are more. I'll update it whenever I can put it to words :) Of course, these rationals are just mine and mine alone. Different people have different point of view. Whatever rocks your boat is probably the best way for you :)

Because this one is my kinda thing.

Two cents

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 03:38:36 GMT

Do you even need to have a public debate whether or not English in SPM (GCSE equivalent in Brit) is a must to pass?

It's a ridiculous thought to begin with. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out.

What is wrong with the education system these days? Embarrassing.

Even I can't elaborate the hundreds of feelings I have regarding this matter. Although I can't say that my English is perfect but to think that here, such language is taken so lightly is very appalling.

Ludicrous!

Then again, I was condemned for speaking English 90% of the time throughout my growing up stage. From elders to youngsters, they all thought I was "showing off" whenever I speak in English.

Apparently, there is no improvement when it comes to the mentality then and now huh? If anything, it's going down hill. Tsk tsk. I feel sorry for these people.

Exhale

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 14:36:31 GMT

Commander-in-chief for all things insane.

I like how that sounds like. Life has been anything but normal.

Then again, normal is insane to me.

Oddly enough, I like it here, I like how life works in the most unconventional way that is mine and mine alone. Despite the madhouse I have to tolerate, the upside to it makes it all the more worth it, one way or another.

Yes, looking at the bright side is all I've got at this point. Losing this will only make me lose my mind. That's a guarantee.

The thing is, I have learned to rely on my better judgements when it comes to life. I choose who to be around with, who I want to stay away from, what makes me feel good and best of all, whatever decisions that I make at any point of time is perhaps the best decision I can make at that time.

It is something to live life without regrets. Do what you know is good. Trust yourself to be the better person and have fun with it.

I am so lucky to have the best people in my life. New and old. Marvelous characters who will never fail to make me smile, laugh and be wonderful.

Ah, such is life.

My wonderful, crazy life.

I like to be around people who I can learn new things in new perspective as well as inspire me in any form. It's the best feeling ever.

I simply love the fact that all I need to do is be myself, chill out, and indulge in everything that He gives. Just a simple moment as sitting at the balcony and bask in the flavours of life or sleep in with a good friend no matter how bad the migraine was. Knowing that I have the greatest people makes me all the more happy being alive.

Nothing beats to the satisfaction of knowing you are feeling good inside.

Of course, to be able to share such joy with someone else will most likely top that off. Until that time comes..

this will do for me.

Yeah, life. This is all I have for now. I may not be wealthy in terms of money or the smartest girl in the world but this is enough. This life that I have, the people I cherish, adore and admire as well as the little things that will never fail to make my day ..

I am the commander-in-chief for all things insane indeed.